3 years ago · admin · 0 comments
“Did I love fully, and not hold back?”
-excerpt from The Charge by Brendon Burchard
Last month we explored the first of Brendon Burchard’s three important questions, “Did I live fully?” This month we look at the second question, “Did I love openly and not hold back?”
Do you love openly and not hold back? The answer to this question is likely rooted in the past regarding our relationship with our first love figures…our parents. Maybe in your family environment, love was conditional. For example, if you did things according to your parent’s wishes, you were loved. If you made different choices and/or made mistakes, it may have felt like love was being withheld. If that was the case, you may have learned that love hurts.
I had a client who told me that when she displeased her mother, her mother would stop speaking to her and refuse to look at her, sometimes for days at a time. My client expressed how hurt she was when her mother withheld her love as a form of punishment.
As children, we cannot withhold love. Our brains won’t allow it, because attachment is our number one survival technique. It will always override any impulse to withdraw or recoil. Over time, if loving hurts and that neurological pattern of association is established, we may find that later in life, we have a difficult time loving openly and find ourselves holding back.
At Wisdom and Recovery, we work diligently to create new neuro-pathways (memory) by learning a healthy and safe way to love. This results in a profound, wise and mature love. When feeling the true emotion of love, our bodies come alive and function at peak levels. Lowering stress hormones and increasing all of our “feel good” hormones, allows our immune system to function at optimum capacity, thereby giving us an enhanced experience of life!
If you think you are holding back due to life’s betrayals, you may want to work on changing your thought patterns to be able to love more openly, which can result in living more fully!