“I’m gonna be like you, Dad. You know I’mgonna be like you!”
– Lyrics from “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin
It seems we will spend a lifetime trying to understand why our fathers made the choices they did. However, we don’t have to look very hard to see how strongly their own fathers influenced them, just as ours influence us.
Neuroscience teaches us that experience directly shapes the circuits responsible for memory, emotions, and self-awareness. A child’s mind emerges from developing patterns created by a flow of energy between an adult’s brain and a child’s brain. In other words, we learn about the world and how to be in it by the adult caretakers in our childhood home.
When thinking of Harry’s popular tune, don’t forget to credit his wife, Sandy, whose poem about her first husband’s relationship with his father inspired the lyrics for “Cat’s in the Cradle”. Harry didn’t pay much attention when he first read it. However, years later when he felt regret about the lack of involvement he had in his own child’s life, he decided to combine words from the poem with familiar nursery rhymes.
Washington State celebrated the nation’s first official Father’s Day on June 19th, 1910. It is credited to Sonora Smart Dodd, a Spokane resident and one of six children brought up singlehandedly by their widowed father. She went to churches, the YMCA, and government officials to get support for the idea. The celebration, coincidentally, was held on her father’s birthday.
There is a new paradigm around purposeful and conscious fathering and parenting. At Wisdom & Recovery, we look very closely at the environment in which we were raised, and how our parents influenced us in becoming who we are today. As adults in the program, we become responsible forcreating a healthy environment in which to parent our own families. We do this by creating new wiring in our brains. This counteracts some of the ineffective wiring that may have taken place during childhood.
This Father’s Day let’s gently reflect on the significance of fathering and the impact it has on a child’s heart and soul. Have a peaceful day!
